Xs and Os

It's common knowledge that Xs and Os are bitter mortal enemies. Their history is legend. They've been battling for turf since time began. And no one -- not even the Xs or Os themselves -- can be sure when (or how) it all started. It's one of those chicken and egg knots. Still, the hatred, the bitterness, and the clash exist. And it flares up violently from time to time.

"No one asked them to take the corner area," X leader Malcolm told me in a recent interview. He was speaking about a recent influx of Os into the corner square. "No one invited them."

I pointed out that that area had been legally declared theirs by an international decree. The area -- that small parcel -- was indeed theirs.

Malcolm patiently nodded his head, having heard the argument many times. "They are not entitled to that area at the expense of many Xs. Thousands ... tens of thousands of Xs lost their homes to Os. Tens of thousands became refugees in their own territory. They were forced out."

I spoke to Harry O, the acting leader of that group. "We have suffered for many years," he said. "We have been displaced," he added, shaking his head sadly. "And now we finally have a home. And they want to take that away from us? Is it fair? Is it right? We will fight for our territory as long as we have to."

"They are greedy," Malcolm said. "They take one corner and then they want more. Soon they want the whole game. They want to encroach and take our territory." His voice grows louder as he grows visibly agitated.

"We only want what is ours," Harry said dismissively. We want no more than we're entitled to. And we're entitled to a place where our people can live, work, grow and thrive."

At risk of sounding cynical, this battle is likely to go on through eternity, long after generations and generations of Xs and Os have sacrificed their homes, their lives, perhaps their very souls, to defend what they see as rightfully theirs.

Negotiations have proved fruitless. They bring about a temporary peace. But eventually, the whole skirmish begins again, with different names, different faces, different causes and in a different quadrant. But the cause and result are both the same as they've been for centuries--pure hatred.

Bad Blogger!

Al Franken used to appear on Saturday Night Live as a character named Stuart Smalley. A low grade new age self help guru, Stuart had an access cable show called "Daily Affirmation." On the show, Stuart would often refer to a "shame spiral" he found himself trapped in for one reason or another. A shame spiral (as I understand it) is one of those situations where you, say, put something off and feel guilty about it. So you try to comfort yourself about that and do something that makes you feel even more guilty. To get over that, you commit another guilt-inducing act. And so on. Or you can be so frozen with fear, self-pity and guilt, you do nothing at all.

Well, folks, that's where I find myself today with this blog. This is my first post in nearly four months. Though not quite as far gone as a full blown shame spiral, I must admit I'm pretty embarrassed. When I started this blog, I launched with guns blazing, no shortage of ideas for posts and a certain amount of enthusiasm (in my own unique jaded way). And there have been pauses, to be sure ... but four months is an awfully long time to keep such avid fans waiting. Now I know how Britney feels -- releasing her first album in almost four years. Her fans have suffered enough -- don't you agree?

And so, dear readers, I am pledging here and now to never, ever make you wait so long for a post. Four months is a ludicrous amount of time in our instant gratification culture. If a customer service rep told you an air conditioner repairman couldn't be at your house for four months, you certainly wouldn't accept it, would you? So, readers, I promise that you will wait, oh, let's say no more than THREE months for a post from me at any given time. After all, you've suffered enough.