Thursday, May 21, 2009

Great Mob Nicknames, Part 2


I suppose beyond "Buttons," another appropriate mob nickname for me would be Knuckles, though it seems a bit shopworn. However, I happen to have a proclivity for cutting, scraping or otherwise injuring my knuckles. (And it goes without saying that I am not a classic knuckle-scraper as most mobsters are portrayed in cliche movies, books and other media.)

At one given time, I nearly had a scrape on every single knuckle of my hands. Three were from hitting a heavy bag without proper protection. I had wrapped them (that's only to protect the wrists). There were no gloves around and I foolhardily believed that the wraps would be sufficient protection for my delicate little hands. Unfortunately, I was proved wrong in a glaring, conspicuous way. I had scraped off enough layers of skin to produce blood.

Shortly after my bad decision to hit a heavy bag without gloves, I was thrown from my bike thanks to a neglectful driver who opened his door on me while I was traveling at a relatively high rate of speed. Said driver did not look but flung the door open, causing me to crash into his open car door and flinging me hard, crashing down to the street, taking a pair of handlebars into my chest plate like a small but powerful fist. (I went to the emergency room later to ensure that I had not fractured my sternum or broken a rib.) (Another side note here--I hit his car door so hard, he was unable to close it, forcing him to be towed. Instant justice, folks.) Initially, I thought I had broken my right ring finger. I was indeed fortunate, for I had only slammed it into the door, causing some bleeding and a temporary loss of its use.

That's four knuckles down. Shortly after the bike accident, I cut another knuckle slicing cucumbers and whipped some blood from yet another while attempting to change a guitar string. The thing just flew off the fret and sliced hard into my thumb, taking a bite of the dermis in the process.

The lesson? It's a dangerous world. Protect your hands.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Great Mob Nicknames, Part 1

If I were a member of the Mob--and I assure you Uncle Moe is not (and even if he were, he wouldn't tell you)--I think my nickname would be "Pockets." I utilize every pocket I have. I believe this is why the sport coat was invented. It's for the gentleman with ... a lot of stuff to carry. The older I get, it seems the more pockets I need.

Here's a list of the things I had tucked into my pockets today (and the various pockets used), just to meet a friend for lunch:



  • Eyeglasses (outside upper jacket pocket--up until now rarely if ever used)
  • Wallet (inner jacket pocket)
  • Mobile phone (inner jacket pocket)
  • One broken pair of sunglasses (shirt pocket)*
  • Receipt for broken sunglasses (inner jacket pocket)*
  • Checkbook (to pay for return of broken glasses--don't ask--inner jacket pocket)*
  • Keys (front pants pocket)
  • Lip balm (front pants pocket)
  • Pen (front pants pocket)
  • iPod (jacket hip pocket)
  • Journal (jacket hip pocket)

I still had three pockets free, including the Levi's extra mini-pocket tucked into the right pocket of my jeans.

Some have argued that I need a "man bag." And I admit to occasionally sporting a small knapsack or courier bag to carry all my extra stuff. The truth is I don't really like carrying all this stuff around but I just like to be prepared.


* Typically not part of my daily schlep, and I didn't make it to the Post Office to return them after all.

Friday, May 08, 2009

Ads!

If you are a regular follower of this blog, then you have certainly noticed some recent changes (a new look among them). Perhaps most conspicuous of these changes are the ads. Some may argue that I've sold out. Some may say that I'm simply a practitioner of the times--merely following my entrepreneurial spirit to make some lucre from my hard work and limited time. But they are missing the forest for the trees. In what may be some calculated, cruel joke, it appears that Google saved its best ads for me. Where else can you find links to the best remedies for foot odor and feminine hygiene products? Clearly, they know my audience, my demographics and my content. No ads would be more appropriate.