The Art of Jaywalking, Part 9

I've noticed a disturbing new trend in my humble town. As if the sidewalk did not exist at all, people have taken to walking in the street. And not just on the side of the road, mind you. No--they walk right down the middle of the street. Cars be damned, they just saunter down the middle of the road. I just don't understand. Are the sidewalks not wide enough? Smooth enough? What's worse, some of these people walk their dogs down the middle of the street. And some of them barely step aside to allow a car to get by. They have their iPods plugged in, cranked up to max volume or they're talking on their mobile phones. Not one sliver of attention to the cars bearing down on them.

In these situations, I believe in survival of the fittest. I believe that my 1,900-pound car (a weakling by today's standards) could squash your puny 200-pound ass. And your little dog's too. Sorry, folks, but the law does not give you the privilege of just strolling casually wherever you'd like. It's for your own good. It's the same reason you have to be 21 to buy liquor and can't buy heroin at all. Just looking out for your welfare. We don't want you doing anything stupid.

So, folks, stay off the smack and stay out of the street. Jaywalking is one thing. But taking up the whole street is just asking for it.