May cause dry mouth, shortness of breath, dizziness, constipation, diarrhea, vomiting, ulcers, lacerations, a proclivity toward violence, hallucinations, bed-spins, internal bleeding and incessant babbling. May also cause a fondness for 70s rock, especially Joan Jett and Ozzy Osbourne.
Please contact your doctor should you experience any desire to sue us. He'll talk you out of it.
Please contact us should you have any desire to wait interminably on hold listening to cheesy music. Oh, and if you want to be passed from voice prompt to voice prompt. Let me give you a preview: "If you wish to speak to an associate, press one. If you have accidentally taken too much medication, press two. If you are now listening to Joan Jett or Ozzy Osbourne, press three."
Please do not drive or operate heavy machinery. Ever. I've seen you drive.
Please call me. I gave you my number. I thought we really hit it off. Don't make me wait by the phone.
Please please me.
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