Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Some Things I've Learned (in my 102 years on this planet)

  • You cannot judge a person by his or her religious beliefs. Unless that person is Tom Cruise.
  • Always carry some breath mints so you can politely offer one to the man on the subway with the buzzard-killing halitosis.
  • No matter how many times you try, it's just not worth arguing with crazy people.
  • Hand sanitizing lotion is not only a fantastic idea, it makes a great booze-gel in a pinch.
  • The time it takes to find a parking space directly correlates with the distance you will park from your destination and the more open spaces you will find during your walk toward that destination.
  • Two things will never go out of style: Burma-Shave signs and the Lindy Hop.
  • Despite what you might think, most of you are not very good drivers.
  • Of all the things I'll miss as the twenty-first century drags on, I think local book stores will be the most conspicuous.
  • Ask anyone from my age group: Whatever it is you need, you can find it "on the computer."
  • You cannot judge a person by their talent or intelligence (or lack of it). Unless that person is Tom Cruise.

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