Tuesday, September 22, 2009
How to write a blog (Part 2)
You may recall Uncle Moe's last column on how to write a blog. Some of you are still a little confused as to what a blog is and what it allows you to get away with. Spelling errors? You bet! Grammar? What are grammar? Details like .... oh ... facts to back up your argument? Who needs 'em?
Let's get into some tips for the serious blogger:
Make sure you confuse the words "ensure" and "insure."
To sound a little more erudite, use phrases and terms such as "in order to", "in terms of", "leverage" (as a verb), "due to the fact that", "vis-a-vis" and "inasmuch". This is especially helpful if you are writing a business blog. Also be sure to use words that, up until recently, did not exist or have been appropriated from their proper use such as "impactful" and "empower".
Use lots of "unnecessary" quotation "marks." This lets your readers know that you are "thinking" of "them" and gives your blog a little irony. Or "irony."
The passive voice should be employed as frequently as possible. This insures (see that?) that the author is respected and the piece is given an academic tone.
Include lots of pictures of your pets and family.
Let's talk a little more about "due to the fact that" and "despite the fact that." Under no circumstances should the words "because" or "even though" (respectively) be substituted. It's just too pedestrian.
Include pointless links.
Finally, and perhaps most important: This is your blog and this is America--you can say whatever you want, within reason. For example, if I want to call U.S. Rep John Boehner (R-Ohio), a chain-smoking, red-faced, rabble-rousing schmuck with an anger management problem, it's perfectly within my rights to do so. Or if I feel like saying that Glenn Beck is a bloated, loudmouthed, reactionary borderline psychotic racist, I may. I can also say that I think the Black-Eyed Peas just might be the most overrated, under-talented (and subsequently, worst) band of the decade, and the only recrimination I may suffer will be the wrath of their microcephalous fans.
Happy blogging, all!