Warning

May cause drowsiness. Do not take without the express written consent of Major League Baseball or its executors. No salesman will visit. Operators are standing by. If you feel you've reached this recording in error, please hang up and try your call again. Did I mention no salesman will visit? Do not take if operating heavy machinery. Do not operate heavy machinery. Do not take heavy machinery. Do not take it if your boss asks you to operate heavy machinery. Do not take if still bitter over the 2000 election. We all did what we could. Stay clear of fan when engine is running. Stay clear of fan altogether. He's had too much to drink and his team is down by three touchdowns. Do not expose to direct flames. Why would you even think about doing that? May cause cramping, bloating, mild skin irritation or discolored bowel movements. If you need immediate medical attention, call 411 ... no wait that's information ... what's the number for 911? I have it written down, hold on. Keep away from children and pets. Seriously. I mean don't hang around them at all. They're irritatingly cute and silly. Do not take if you have: dyspeptic valve, dropsy, hydroxism, pyhria ... OK, I'm making some of these up. If found open, spit three times, throw over left shoulder, then retrieve. Lather, rinse, repeat. Lather, rinse, repeat. We are no longer the knights who say Ni! Do not take if you want to stay up and watch the World Series. Do not take more than three times, oh, let's say per day. Pregnant women should not handle. If you are pregnant or are trying to get pregnant and you get near this, chill. Just walk away like nothing happened. This product is not for everybody. May cause irritation. In fact, it probably already has.